You stopped the "thrashing," but now the silence feels like an empty room. You feel a frantic need to do something to fill the space. Furthermore, you are falling back into being terrified you are not working on your spiritual life. Nothing is happening.
This dread is the ego's reaction to the loss of control. You have spent years as the star of your own story, the "active voice," believing that you are the primary actor in your salvation. Without a lot of movement, the prospect of silence and stillness feels like death because, to the ego, it is.
The Chart Note
You are exhausted because you are still trying to operate on yourself. You have been following the "old map" which says, "I must work hard to become humble." But that is a metaphysical impossibility. Humility is not a trophy you win; it is a state you enter when you consciously cooperate with God's grace. You are currently in the "pre-op" phase of the Dark Night. The goal is not for you to find God, but to stop running, moving, and squirming in his arms so He can heal you.
The Prescription
In the Gospel of John, we find our answer: in the original Greek, the phrase ἐμὲ δὲ ἐλαττοῦσθαι (I must be decreased) is in the passive voice.
This is the new coordinate. You do not do the decreasing; God does the decreasing. The increase of His Light is the actual cause of the decrease of your ego.
Your only job is to cooperate with being decreased.
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